Ace and Aro Iceland

Romantic standards and heteronormativity

"Amatonormativity" is a recent and complicated English word for the phenomenon of assuming that everyone you meet is alloromantic and allosexual. This is based on the concept of heterosexuality which means, among other things, “a conscious or unconscious systemic antipathy towards people who are not heterosexual. " (Web of Science).

Amatonormativity affects so many people, not only asexual- and aromantic people because here a very narrow idea of love is being prioritized over other forms of love. This is the kind of Hallmark movie love where people conform to defined roles in order to be eligible in a heterosexual, monogamous, cis society. In other words, in a heteronormative world it is not okay to be gay, bisexual or polyamorous, and it's also not okay to have no interest at all.

We are quite lucky in Icelandic society that prejudice against asexual and aromantic people is not as bad as elsewhere, but maybe that is only because few people know what it actually means. Far too many asexual and aromantic people feel that they must get married and have children because otherwise there is something wrong with them. They may even be anxious to meet co-workers and family members because of the micro-aggressions they are exposed to.

Don't you have a girlfriend? Don't you have children? Don't you want children? You will change your mind! You will find someone! Aren't you lonely? Are you going to be a spinster with a cat?

These questions aren't necessarily meant as aggressive but they belittle the experiences of people who do not fit into these romantic standards of society and often puts pressure on people to do things they have no interest in doing